We have been waiting for Grand Theft Auto VI for so long that I have literally aged out of the target demographic. When GTA V was released, I was a hopeful student with free time. Now, I have lower back pain, a caffeine dependency, and a crushing realization that the “infinite money glitch” doesn’t exist in real life.
Rockstar Games finally dropped the trailer, and the internet collectively lost its mind. But let’s be honest. The release of GTA 6 won’t just be a “game launch.” It will be a cultural singularity. A global event. A disaster waiting to happen.
Here is my prophecy of the absolute chaos (gonjang-ganjing) that will ensue the moment that download button goes green.
1. The Great Hardware Rapture
Let’s address the elephant in the room: Your PC probably can’t run it.
I know, I know. You trust your trusty old GTX 1060. You think your PS5 is “next-gen.” That’s cute. When GTA 6 drops, we are going to hear the collective sound of millions of GPUs screaming for mercy before melting into a pile of expensive silicon.
We are about to enter an era where “Minimum System Requirements” requires you to sell a kidney. The game will likely be 250GB, meaning you’ll have to delete Call of Duty, your wedding photos, and maybe your OS just to fit the install file.
2. The Global Productivity Collapse
Economists worry about inflation. They should be worrying about the release date of GTA 6.
Mark my words: On launch week, the global GDP will dip. Why? because nobody is going to work. “Sick leave” requests will skyrocket. Students will suddenly contract mysterious 24-hour fevers. Even your boss, who usually micromanages your lunch break, will be “unavailable for meetings” because they are too busy cruising through Vice City in a digital Ferrari.
It will be an unspoken pandemic of laziness. And honestly? We deserve it.
3. The “Culture War” Battlefield
If you think political Twitter is toxic, wait until the “Anti-Woke” crowd dissects every frame of GTA 6.
Before the game is even playable, we will have 4-hour video essays on YouTube titled “Has Rockstar gone WOKE? Why the puddles don’t reflect light like they did in 2013.” People will argue about Lucia (the female protagonist) with the intensity of a UN Summit.
There will be review bombing. There will be Reddit threads so radioactive you need a hazmat suit to read them. It’s going to be exhausting. I can’t wait to watch it all unfold while eating popcorn.
4. The Comparison Police
The moment the game releases, the “Physics Experts” will emerge from their caves.
You know the type. They will upload side-by-side videos comparing the way a tire deflates in GTA 4 versus GTA 6. “Look at the leaf physics! The leaf didn’t crunch realistically! Rockstar is finished!”
These people don’t play games to have fun. They play games to find reasons to be miserable. And GTA 6 will be their magnum opus of misery.
5. The Post-Game Depression
The saddest prediction? The emptiness.
We have hyped this game for over a decade. We have built it up in our heads to be the Second Coming of Christ in digital form. No game can survive that level of expectation.
We will play it. We will love it. We will finish the story in a 72-hour non-stop binge fueled by energy drinks and bad life choices. And then, we will stare at the credits rolling, look at our reflection in the black screen, and realize… we have to wait another 15 years for GTA 7.
So, brace yourselves. The chaos is coming. I hope your graphics card—and your wallet—is ready.
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